What really matters to you?
A disturbance in the force
To use a metaphor from the movies, Covid-19 has caused a huge disturbance in the Force. It has turned our lives upside down as we confront social and economic disruption on a massive scale.
But the real impact is on one person (or dog) at a time ― it’s personal.
Yes, there is a mental health crisis. There is increasing isolation, loneliness, and depression. Some of us are losing touch and retreating into fantasy worlds where we can find simple answers, someone to blame for the current state of affairs. But that’s escapism.
Already a year .…
Yes, after a year of pandemic, for many of us there is a sense of no longer truly being in control of our lives, at least not in the way we used to think we were.
And none of this is going away anytime soon. Even once the pandemic is declared over — should such a happy event actually occur — life going forward will likely continue to undergo disruption and uncertainty.
It’s the reality of our times. There are just too many outsized issues facing the world. We each have our own long list! Meanwhile, change and tumult continue to accelerate.
A crisis of certainty and the need for control
Where the world is headed is an enormous collective unknown. But where you’re headed doesn’t need to be.
Yes, the pandemic has caused a disturbance, triggering the need to find answers, to take a step back, and reassess what really matters in our lives. We want control, but control over what is not always obvious.
Before Covid-19 we were blissfully inattentive to how fragile our lives really are. We used to not worry about catching a cold or giving someone a hug. Suddenly our health is at risk. The health of loved ones is at risk.
We put more attention on others
We don’t wear masks to protect ourselves, we do it to reduce transmission and protect others. This is a new human condition few of us have experienced before.
And not just health-wise, but socially too. Hugging and handshaking have been tossed out the window to be replaced by new social norms, some prescribed (Wear a mask!) and others tacit (Don’t stand so close to me!).
Anxious times
The disruption, the isolation, the inability to live what we thought were normal lives, have generated huge anxiety. The pandemic has taken away something that we thought was basic — control over our lives.
For this reason, many of us have been compelled to take a hard look at our lives and ask ourselves, What really matters?
What have we found?
For nearly everyone, we have come to the realization, not surprisingly, that it is our loved ones, our family, our relationships, our teammates, that truly matter to us. That’s what we miss the most ― connecting with those who are important to us. The touch. The laugh. The acknowledgement that we matter.
What really matters to you?
So yes, relationship matters. But in addition to our concerns over health and the health of those we love, there is a vast territory of things, people, and events that matter to us.
Covid-19 has forced us to look more deeply than ever at what’s important in our lives, beyond the obvious. It has forced us to look within more deeply, and hopefully more clearly.
Why look at what matters?
When you get really clear on what really matters, it can help you live a more intentional and purposeful life. And having a purpose in life is highly predictive of overall well-being, something in pretty short supply these days. That’s what the scientific research says.
Well-being is not just psychological, but physical and financial too. Purpose in life allows you to better cope with day-to-day stressors. It gives you a reason for being you — providing a deeper sense of your own self-worth and value as a human being.
What matters points to purpose in life
A great first step to finding purpose in your life is figuring out what really matters to you.
There are many ways to do this, but here are two suggestions to help clear the fog and start shining a light on what really matters to you.
This can be your first step towards living a more purposeful life.
1. Investigate your near environment
This is easy to do. Fun too!
Grab a sheet of paper or your digital notepad. Now look around you right now. What do you see? What’s happening? Is it meaningful? If so, write it down.
What around you is personal? What’s on the table in front of you? Are there books or magazines about? What are their topics? Write them all down because they point to what matters to you.
Are there any pictures or photos around? Who are they of? They probably matter to you too. Write them down.
Open your wallet. What do you see? Any photos? Any memorabilia you’ve been keeping there?
Open your phone and look at your last 50 phone calls and messages. More hints as to what (or who) matters to you right there. Note them down.
Try doing this wherever you hang out - at home, in different rooms. Look on the walls to see what topics are hanging there? Open your drawers and see what’s in them. Do the same at work. What decorates your office? (From memory if you're working remotely!) What books are on the bookshelf?
You can discover a lot of things that matter to you just by surveying your personal environment. It’s an easy place to begin. And actually a fun activity. Surprise yourself at the insights you get!
2. For one month, answer the question: “What mattered to me today?”
Do this for a month and you’ll get some amazing insights into what matters most to you.
Yes, include the daily phone call to your mom or best friend, but also look at what else matters beyond the obvious.
Start today with Day #1. Create a list of what really matters to you. Do this every day, at any time of the day. Evening or first thing in the morning are probably best.
Just ask yourself, “What really mattered to me today, or yesterday? What happened that was important to me?”
Don’t analyze what you write. Simply create a fresh list of what mattered to you that day. Bullets are fine. No essay writing or anything. Keep it simple.
And don’t read what you wrote on previous days. Every day is a new list. Let the items repeat if they need to. Just what really mattered most on that day.
Then after Day #30, look over your 30 lists and see what jumps out at you. What repeats? Any surprises? Are there items there that make you smile? What do you see that makes you think, “Yeah, that really does matter to me!”
Reflect on all that. What insights do you get? What do you make it mean?
Taking back control
These are two quick and easy ways that can help you feel more in control of your life during a time when it seems you don’t.
After not having seen a new plot line on TV in months ― after the despair of not being able to be with family, friends and workmates we wish we could see ― after one more bad-hair Zoom call ― one thing that is common to us all is that COVID-19 has challenged us to focus on what really matters.
Keep loving, and include yourself
There’s something empowering about that. While Covid-19 has taken something away, it has added perspective, a new level of awareness of us as humans across the planet suffering at the same time.
Shocked to the root of our understanding about our humanity, the realization of the love we have, aware of our fragile species, our collective existence and common destiny, Covid-19 has actually been a catalyst for more meaning in our lives and a trigger for living a more purposeful life.
Strange times indeed. Full of disruption, but also full of hope.